Monkey Business
by elledottore
Summary: What if Chistery was just hiding his powers of speech from the Wizard? Would he be able to keep Elphaba from going off the deep end? Or would the loss of her lover still be too much for her? This is a look at daily life at Kiamo Ko. AU. Fiyeraba. Chistery/OC
1. Chapter 1

**I'm working on If/Then, I promise! But this has been on my mind for months. It's basically the concept that Chistery can actually talk. It was originally an idea for The Little Witch, where Chistery would fill the role of Sebastian and do things like hint to Fiyero that Illinora is Elphaba and help Elphaba escape Southstairs. But then, I decided that Ursula would save the day, and that was that.**

 **But I still liked this idea of a badass Chistery! So, this version formed. It's basically going to be like a one season sitcom (except for the part where Elphaba is depressed because she thinks Fiyero's dead). It's just life at Kiamo Ko with the Monkeys, and how their relationships change over time. This is NOT Elphaba/Chistery! As I said in the description, the pairings are Fiyeraba and Chistery/OC.**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 1

They were going to Kiamo Ko. Freaking Kiamo Ko. And why? Because the girl who had saved their necks now had a boyfriend. A royal, Vinkun boyfriend whom Chistery personally believed was beneath the likes of his eccentric savior. But, oh well. Whoever was in Mistress Elphaba's favor … and he definitely was in her favor. Just the way she had talked about him when she was giving directions to the castle …

 _The Monkeys had decided to rest for the night in Gilikin Forest. The sun was just rising when Chistery heard a familiar voice. "Chistery! Sweet Oz, I never thought I'd see you again!"_

 _She didn't know he could talk. He decided to surprise her. "Never thought I'd see you either," he said nonchalantly. "Been hearing about you in the papers … and from_ his _rantings." Chistery shuddered. "What's your name again?"_

 _Her reaction was just as he thought it would be; her mouth fell open and she dropped her broomstick in shock. "You … you can talk!"_

 _He chuckled. "And you can fly! Oz, woman, the fish lady said you were smart!"_

 _"_ _I-I'm sorry, it's just … I've never heard you. Why didn't you tell me?" Chistery gave her a look._

 _"_ _Did you_ want _me to get slaughtered by our glorious dictator? Now, I do believe I was asking you a question. I assume your name is something other than Wicked Witch of the West."_

 _It was her turn to glare. "No, that's right. My mother and father took one look at me when I was born and said, 'Yep, let's call her Wicked Witch of the West.'" She chuckled. "It's Elphaba." She extended her hand. "Elphaba Thropp."_

 _"_ _You … want me to shake your hand?" Chistery asked, bewildered._

 _"_ _I'm sorry." She lowered her hand. "I didn't mean to offend you." Offend him? Was this chick for real?_

 _"_ _No, no. You didn't offend me; it's just … no one's ever wanted to shake my hand." Sweet Oz, he sounded pitiful._

 _Elphaba grabbed his hand and firmly shook it. "I am delighted to formally make your acquaintance, Chistery!" She suddenly thought of something. "Is that your name? Chistery?"_

 _He shrugged. "Who knows? I was taken so young."_

They had talked for a while longer, and then the other Monkeys noticed Elphaba. They immediately started fawning over her as if she were Glinda the Good. Pretty soon they all agreed that they were in the Witch's debt, and Chistery offered for them all to serve her. Just as he expected, she vehemently refused at first, but then admitted that she would enjoy the company. That was when the subject of The Boy came into conversation.

 _"_ _Meet me at Kiamo Ko," she instructed them. "The sentries shouldn't notice you if you fly through a high window, but I'll have Fiyero alert them just in case."_

 _Chistery smirked. "Thought I heard you were testing your super evil, wicked spells on him."_

 _"_ _Oh, I tested spells on him alright." Elphaba burst out into laughter. "I don't know where that came from!"_

 _"_ _Go. See what your kid sister's up to. We'll see you at your boyfriend's castle."_

And now here they were, flying to Prince Fiyero's castle, no, one of Prince Fiyero's castles. For someone who was so hated, Elphaba had scored herself quite the catch. Chistery, while eager to repay the person who had saved his neck, was a little apprehensive about being that emotionally close to a girl. He wasn't sexist or anything; he just was jumpy around the opposite sex.

"Chistery! Oz, who died and made you the Wizard?" Mola. Case in point. She flew forward in order to catch up to him.

"Yeah well, I think Mistress Elphaba likes me the best. Ooo, snap!" That was how he dealt with girls: sharp wit and sarcastic retorts. Only Mola could keep up with him.

She scoffed. "Go ahead and snap yourself! She just met you first, is all. She felt for you 'cause your sorry little butt was in pain."

"We were all in pain, Mola! Don't you remember?"

"Of course I remember, dumbass! Lur, lighten up." The rest of the journey continued in this manner.

They arrived at Kiamo Ko at about 3 in the afternoon. As expected, the Tigulaars' soldiers stopped and questioned them. But, Chistery introduced himself as the personal butler to the Witch of the West, and the soldiers let the Monkeys enter the castle. It was gigantic, fit for a family as grand as the Tigulaars. Chistery was a bit overwhelmed by it all. Mola, on the other hand, was squealing like a college girl.

"Oh my Oz, Chistery, look at this place!" she exclaimed as they entered the servants' quarters. "I have never seen anything like it! We are certainly working for the right girl."

"Sure," he replied absentmindedly. "Alright, people! This floor has a lot of rooms, but there are a lot of us, so we should pair up. Decide who you want to be with, get settled, and then meet me in the western tower so we can set things up for Mistress Elphaba. Get busy!" The servants' quarters became filled with hustle and bustle as the Monkeys coordinated with one another. Suddenly, Mola was at Chistery's side again.

"I got an end room with Hessika!" she said happily. "Who do you want to be with?"

"I don't know. I'm gonna wait until everyone else is settled first."

Mola feigned awe. "So selfless, Chistery!"

Presently, one of Chistery's other friends, Gabrialus, came up to them. "Hey Chistery, I snagged that room in the middle there. Wanna share it with me?"

"Sure," Chistery said as they bumped fists. "Wanna set it up for me while I go upstairs to get things ready for Mistress?"

"'Course, dude. Go ahead."

"Cool. Mola? Come with me?"

She sighed. "Sure." The two started off for the western tower. "Ugh, I still can't believe how lucky we are! Our boss is dating a prince! How awesome is that?"

"Both our boss and her boyfriend could be dead by now, Mola. It was dangerous for her to go to Munchkinland. And her idiot prince probably followed her."

"I know! It's just … cool."

"It is an honor," Chistery agreed. "Hope we won't screw it up for her."

Mola was suddenly unusually serious. "We won't."

As they entered the western tower, they heard what must have been Elphaba flying in through the window. They heard pages being flipped frantically, and then Elphaba speaking in a language that neither of them could understand. The book slammed shut, and his new boss emitted a shriek that Chistery would never forget as long as he lived. "FIYEROOOOOOOOOOO!"

 **Hoped you liked it!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Chistery, wait!" Mola grabbed his tail. "You can't just go bursting in there like an idiot! She could hex you! Badly!"

"What, you wanna just let her suffer in there alone?!" Chistery shot back. Then, from behind the door, they could hear things being thrown about, heavy things, from the sound of it. Presently, it stopped, but in its place came gut wrenching sobs.

"Damn," Mola muttered under her breath.

"That's it," Chistery said. "I'm going in." And before Mola could even move to stop him, he entered the room.

When he went in, he had a bit of a shock. The room was in complete disarray, but that was the least of the problems. Elphaba was crouched on the floor, her hair undone and almost completely covering her face. She thought she was alone, so she was still sobbing uncontrollably. It broke Chistery's heart. She looked nothing like the cool headed, strong but gentle woman Chistery had seen in the forest. "Mistress Elphaba?"

Abruptly, she stopped crying, looked up, saw it was him, and then starting crying again, but this time babbling incoherently to him. All he managed to get was: "All my fault … Nessa … stupid little brat … shoes … Glinda is unbelievable … sister's death as a trap to capture me … brainless idiot … told me to go, I did … spell to save him … no good … Fiyero … crucified, beaten … why can't I do anything right? I'M WICKED!" The armoire cracked, and she descended back into hysterics.

Great. This was part of the reason why he was jumpy around girls: their crying demanded comfort, comfort that Chistery wasn't sure how to give. He put his hand awkwardly on her back. "There, there," he said, trying to be reassuring but probably coming off as creepy. "It's okay now. Shh. Everything's going to be … fine."

Wrong choice of words. "EVERYTHING IS NOT GOING TO BE FINE!" She sat up straighter, and Chistery had to duck in order to avoid two books flying directly towards his head. "Nessa is dead, Fiyero is dead, Doctor Dillamond is a goat, Glinda is a Grade A bitch, AND THAT WRETCHED LITTLE FARM GIRL HAS MY SHOES!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. Breathe, breathe. Breathing is a very good thing to do. In, out." She, surprisingly, cooperated, her breathes shaky at first but then gradually becoming calmer. "Okay, that's all pretty shitty and messed up. You don't deserve any of that. None of it at all." He then got a sudden inspiration. "Which is why tonight, you will get something you deserve: a feast, fit for a princess."

Elphaba shook her head weakly. "Chistery, no. You don't have to …"

"I know. That's what makes me the best lackey ever!"

She gave a ghost of what would have been a sarcastic grin. "Lackey?"

He shrugged. "Well, you know. If you're gonna be this evil villain type person, then I get to be the super cool lackey who loads your gun for you and says snappy things to the good guy. It's only fair." He was trying to get her to laugh, and he succeeded – a little bit. Even though her mouth didn't smile, she chuckled quietly, and her eyes brightened just a tad.

"I don't have a gun."

"Well, then I'll hold ingredients for you as you concoct some wicked potions." He grinned. "I'm going to go get the others working on that feast. Don't know exactly what it's going to consist of, but I guarantee there will be chocolate."

She gave a tiny smile of thanks as he left the room.

"I heard … most of it," Mola said as they headed back downstairs. "How is she?"

"A basket case," Chistery answered honestly. "The room was an utter disaster area! But it's not like she can help it. They killed her guy in the worst possible way."

"And her sister," Mola added. "Two stabs like that in one day! Lurline! She must be dying inside."

"All the more reason she must be absolutely spoiled tonight!"

"Chistery. Do you really think that vegetable soup and chocolate cake are going to make her forget that everyone she loves is dead?"

"No. But it's a start."

Chistery and Mola entered the servants' quarters to find thirty Monkeys, chattering concernedly. "Dude," Gabrialus said, coming up to Chistery. "What's up with Mistress?"

"Mistress Elphaba … has had a really hard day," Chistery said, making the understatement of the century. "Which is why we all need to pitch in to make her feel better! EVERYONE! PAY ATTENTION! As far as we're concerned, we're making a banquet for the Dowager Princess of the Vinkus. We need vegetables, fruits, rice, chocolate! The pantries are probably full of stuff like that! Let's move!"

The Monkeys threw themselves into making dinner, and Chistery oversaw everything, yelling out orders and monitoring the use of the oven. It was hard for him to believe that less than forty eight hours ago, he had been the Wizard's slave, caged and forced to be silent. It just went to show how amazing Elphaba was. If only she saw it that way …

Chistery delivered the food, with the help of Mola and Hessika. She smiled at their parody of formal waiters, and ate heartily for someone who was going through serious shit. Dessert came, and Mola took the hint. "Do you require anything else, madam?"

Elphaba smiled briefly. "No, thank you."

"Alright then. Hessika and I will be back soon to collect your plate. Enjoy your cake." She winked at Chistery as she left.

Elphaba turned to Chistery. "Thank you … for this. No one has done anything like this for me … in a long time."

"No prob." He shrugged. "No one has ever done anything like what you have done for us, Animals, I mean, in a long time."

That night, Chistery sneaked out of bed and went to the western tower. He told himself that he was going to make sure she had fresh towels for her morning shower, but really, he wanted to check on her, make sure she was asleep. Her door opened with a slight creak, and he cursed quietly. She didn't stir. He checked the towel situation, and then crawled over to her bed. Yes, she was fast asleep, her skin more pearly than green in the moonlight. He noticed that there were tearstains on her face, and he silently wondered if there was anything more he could do for her.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"CHISTERY! GABRIALUS! WAKE UP!"

Chistery groaned. "What, Mola?"

"We have a serious problem!" she shrieked.

"What?" Gabrialus asked groggily, sitting up.

Mola threw a newspaper into his lap. "Look at that! And Chistery, you lazy head, GET UP!" She went over to Chistery's bed and slapped him across the face.

"Ow!" he exclaimed angrily. "Lur, woman, what is it?" He sat up to face her.

"Gabrialus, why don't you tell Chistery what you just read?" Mola's voice was unnaturally high; it freaked Chistery out.

Gabrialus looked shocked at what he was reading. "Well … um … Oz … this is really fucked up. It says here that Mistress Elphaba killed some dude. She would never …"

Mola looked on the verge of insanity. "Yes, but who? You have to tell Chistery! I can't say it!"

"Um … Prince Fiyero."

"WHAT?!" Chistery exploded. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" He snatched the paper from Gabrialus and read it for himself, praying that his roommate had read it wrong. But sure enough:

 _A few nights ago, our honorable Captain of the Guard fought with the infamous Wicked Witch of the West bravely and chivalrously. His Royal Highness, Prince Fiyero Tigulaar, though a strong and courageous warrior, could not overcome the Witch's evil power. A body has not been found, and Lady Glinda is in mourning …_

"Chistery, buddy," Gabrialus said nervously. "You alright there? It's just a newspaper story, dude." Chistery suddenly realized he was breathing heavily.

"I'm good," he said, trying to be calm. "I'm good. I just have to … go prevent another meltdown." Then, before either Mola or Gabrialus could say anything else, Chistery bolted for the western tower, running halfway there before he remembered he could fly.

Elphaba had probably already gotten a newspaper, with Chistery's luck; a whole stack of them had been delivered for the Tigulaars. Without a second thought, he rushed into her room like a madman. She wasn't there. Thank Lurline. He saw that day's newspaper lying on her desk, unopened. He snatched it, and was just about to leave when …

"Chistery! Oh!" Elphaba clearly had just come from the showers; water dripped down from her hair and down her back. She quickly covered herself up in the towel she was holding.

"Sweet Oz, Mistress, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed, embarrassed. "I … I didn't know you would be coming back so soon! I was just …"

"Opening my paper for me? I see you're holding it." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well … um …"

Elphaba interrupted him. "Thank you very much, Chistery, but I think I can manage that myself." She took the paper from him and started unwrapping it.

"No!" He grew desperate. "There's … there's nothing good in there! Just … exaggerated stories about you." There. That wasn't exactly a lie.

She chuckled humorlessly. "Yes, let's see what I did this time!" But all superficial joviality fled as she started reading. "Oh. I see." She put the paper back on her desk. "For once, they're not lying."

She was surprisingly calm. But that could change easily. "Yes, they are!" he argued. "You didn't slaughter your boyfriend in cold blood!"

Elphaba sat down, still clad in only a towel. "Yes, I did. Just because I didn't physically kill him doesn't mean his death isn't my fault."

"No! That's crazy talk!" He grabbed her hand. "You tried to save him. I heard you in here, going 'eliky nackem' or whatever you were saying. Look, he wouldn't want you to mope. So, how about after breakfast you join me in a little flight around the castle? Hmm? Whatdya say?"

"Why, Chistery, I …"

"Yes? Good! See you then!"

"You're going flying with her?!" Mola asked over breakfast, astonished.

"Yeah," Chistery said with a shrug. "Why not?"

Mola choked on her coffee. "Why not?! As you yourself said last night, she's a basket case! She could … fall off her broom and die, or crash into something, or …"

"Get some much needed exercise," Chistery cut in. "Studies have shown that exercise helps alleviate stress."

Mola scoffed. "Bullshit. You like her."

"Like her? Of course I like her! Don't you like her?"

"You know what I mean, Chistery." She looked at him knowingly.

"No!" He was shocked. "Not like that! She's a human! An unnaturally good human, but still, a human! Plus, she really loved that guy. I doubt she'll ever venture into the world of romance again, even if the whole country didn't hate her. But most importantly, Mola, she's not my type. We're friends."

"Friendships can change."

He gave her a look. "Are you implying something?"

"Don't flatter yourself!" Mola said, lightly slapping his hand. "Now go! Knowing her, she's probably already waiting for you. That girl can eat like lightning!"

Mola turned out to be right. Chistery found Elphaba waiting outside the main door of the castle, leaning on her broomstick like a staff. She stood up straight when she saw him. "You see I'm a little more decent now," she said with a small grin. "Ready?"

"Ready when you are," he replied, rising a few feet above her. "Let's go."

"Let's." She mounted her broom and rushed past him, flying as high as the second story of Kiamo Ko. He glided up towards her.

"Were you always so good on that thing?"

Elphaba laughed the biggest laugh he had heard from her since shit went down. "Sweet Oz, no! You should've seen my first flight! I nearly collided into a Quoxwood tree! And I had always been squeamish about heights, so the whole time I was just thinking, 'Lurline, please don't let me fall!'"

"But you're not squeamish now, are you?"

"No! Not at all!"

He grinned. "Then follow me." Chistery led her higher, up to the western tower. "This is your windowsill, correct?"

"Yes," Elphaba said nervously. "Why?" She gasped as he sat down on her windowsill. "No. I'm not sitting there."

"Thought you said you weren't squeamish," he teased. "Come on. We're creatures of flight, albeit not by birth, but still! We laugh at gravity!"

"Okay." She carefully sat down beside him. "Oh. I'm not falling. That's … good!"

Chistery and Elphaba did several laps around Kiamo Ko, playfully trying to outdo one another in speed and skill. Elphaba felt guilty that she wasn't thinking about Nessa and Fiyero, but Ozdammit, this was fun! Whenever she had flown, it had always been solo, but now, she had a companion. As they were flying over the courtyard, Chistery suddenly got an idea. "Mistress?"

"Hmm?"

"Let go of your broom."

"What?!"

"Let go of your broom," he repeated calmly. "It'll just fall into the courtyard; you can pick it up later. Trust me." Elphaba thought about it for a moment, then closed her eyes … and let go. She only fell about two inches before Chistery caught her under her arms.

She laughed again; that warmed Chistery's heart. "Chistery! Oh my Oz! I could've died just then!"

"But you didn't." All in all, it was a pretty good day.

Or so Chistery thought until the next morning. He went to her room to deliver breakfast to find that Elphaba was nowhere to be found. On her desk there was a note, concise but informative:

 _Chistery and Mola and the rest,_

 _I have gone to Munchkinland. I'm going to follow the YBR to find that girl who has Nessa's shoes. I must get them. I'll be back soon, hopefully. Take care of KK._

 _Best,_

 _Elphaba_

"MOLA!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, I'm gonna do something radical: respond to reviews!**

 **Dog Lover 645 – Now, would I kill off ELPHABA, of all people?!**

 **Ultimate Queen of Cliffies – Yes! "Ik Lach om Zwaartekracht"! I LOVE how Willemijn sings that!**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 4

"MOLA!" Chistery yelled again, growing even more panicked. "GET IN HERE!"

A flapping of wings was heard, and then Mola entered through Elphaba's open window. "Lur, Chistery, you're lucky I was out flying! What if I had been downstairs now?"

He gave her the note. "She's gone."

"Oh." She read the note a few times. "Okay. A suicide mission, in my opinion, but hey, she really wants those shoes." She put the note down nonchalantly.

Chistery spluttered. "How … how can you … you were the one who woke me up yesterday because of a newspaper article, and you're not concerned whatsoever about THIS?!"

Mola gave him a look. "Chistery. This is what Mistress Elphaba does … well, not for a living, but you know what I mean. She's a pro at going straight into danger and then escaping at the last possible second. What she's not good at is dealing with the idea that she's causing somebody pain. She's guilty about her boyfriend, her sister, that Goat teacher, us … you know she feels like she's oppressing us just like the rest of the world is."

"Oppressing us?! How?!" Chistery couldn't fathom it.

"Our wings, the fact that we're her 'Animal servants' now … I saw her face when we were giving her that banquet; she felt horrible."

"No!" Chistery flew above Mola as if to emphasize his point. "She saved our speech, our lives! This is the least we can do for her! That's it; I'm going after her, if not to make her come home, then to knock some sense into her about this whole guilt thing!" He made a move for the window, but Mola stood in the windowsill, blocking his path.

"Don't you dare! Did you even read her note? Our job is to take care of the castle while she's away. So that's what we're going to do! Go downstairs! Assemble the crew! You did it so well the other night." She pouted, and he had to admit, he was flattered, at least a little bit.

"Alright, alright, I will," Chistery admitted. "We'll polish this castle till it shines! You know, Mola, you're lucky you're so cute, otherwise you would not be getting your way so easily."

As he left the room, Mola just shook her head. He had no idea what he was saying.

After giving all the other Monkeys jobs to do, Chistery found himself back in Elphaba's room, tidying up. He pushed a red velvet chair back up to a small table that had a crystal ball on it. Despite himself, he tried to look through it, but no images appeared for him; the crystal stayed white and cloudy. He went over to her desk next, and arranged her papers into neat stacks. But then, he saw a small piece of paper that was not regular writing paper. It was a five by seven, and there was an inscription in loopy handwriting: **Elphie's celebration at the Peach & Kidney, 5/10/92. She's going to see the Wizard! We're sooooooo proud of her! **

Chistery turned the paper over to see his boss surrounded by her friends, looking like the happiest girl in Oz. Her smile was genuine, with no touch of sarcasm at all. Her eyes gleamed with a hopefulness that Chistery had never seen from them. She was completely unaware that the man she so admired was a fraud. She was also completely unaware that a good looking boy whom Chistery supposed to be Prince Fiyero was making bunny ears on top of her head. He was being sneaky about it too, reaching behind Miss Glinda's back and just barely touching Mistress Elphaba's head. And then there was the couple on the far right: a Munchkin boy and a girl in a wheelchair …

"Yo, Chist!"

Chistery turned to see Gabrialus coming into the room. "Hey man. You finished dusting the library?"

Gabrialus did a mock salute. "Yes sir. And, tonight, guess what?"

"What?"

"You, my friend, are gonna have to find someplace else to sleep, because I just scored with Zalida!"

Chistery was surprised; Zalida was recognized as the belle of their little clan. "No! Really?"

"Yup. You better believe it! I … am … swankified!" Chistery laughed as Gabrialus combed his hand through the fur on his head. "You know, Chist, you could score too. With, oh let's see, maybe … Lorannia, or … Veriasae, she's a babe, or …"

"No, Gabe," Chistery said with a laugh. "I don't want any babes. In fact, I'm sleeping here tonight, so you can have your privacy, and just in case Mistress Elphaba comes back early."

Gabrialus shrugged. "Okay, dude. Suit yourself. But sooner or later, you're gonna have to stop and smell the estrogen."

"I'll live."

That night, Chistery lay awake on an inflatable mattress (he didn't dare sleep on Elphaba's bed), thinking about literally everything that could possibly come to his mind. He thought of Elphaba as a young schoolgirl. Knowing her, she probably had been one of those know it all types, hand flying up at practically every question the teacher asked. He thought about what Gabrialus had said that day. Ozdamn him! Chistery didn't need a girlfriend, or even just plain sex, to be complete. That stuff made him nervous anyway. Yawn …

"THE TIME IS NOW 6:30 AM. IT IS TIME TO GET UP."

Chistery jolted awake. "What the …?" The voice was robotic, feminine, and with a Quadling accent. He wildly scanned the room to see where it was coming from.

"THE TIME IS NOW 6:30 AM. IT IS TIME TO GET UP."

He found it. It was a little clock on Elphaba's nightstand, with the time written in yellow numbers. The numbers flashed, and the clock spoke again.

"THE TIME IS NOW 6:30 AM. IT IS TIME TO GET UP. IN FIVE SECONDS, AN ALARM WILL SOUND."

Chistery had five seconds to wonder why the clock was saying that while the alarm already was sounding before what sounded like a thousand harpies assaulted his ears. "Holy shit!" Desperately, he felt all around it for a button or something, but to no avail. He was just about to yell for Mola again when …

"VOCAL DEACTIVATION RECOGNIZED." The alarm stopped. Chistery breathed a sigh of relief. You just had to talk to it. _Guess I'm going to be waking up at 6:30 while Mistress Elphaba is gone. Life's full of surprises._

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

That morning, Chistery ate breakfast with Mola and Gabrialus. The latter would not stop talking about his night with Zalida. After about the third orgasm, Mola interrupted, "Excuse me, Gabrialus, but why do I need to be hearing this?"

"Because! She's your friend, right?"

"Actually, no. I think she's a slutty bitch."

Gabrialus exhaled deeply. "Lur! Girls are so petty. Aren't they, Chist?"

Chistery jolted in his seat. "What? Oh yes, girls are … petty."

"What is up with you, man? You look like you've been through the ringer!"

"I have … in a way," Chistery said with a sigh. "Mistress Elphaba … has an alarm clock. Bad encounter with it."

Mola snickered. "I know. We heard."

Gabrialus started making alarm clock noises. "Burd burd burd burd … 'Holy SHIT!'"

Chistery blushed. "You heard that too, huh?"

"The whole castle heard it, Chistery!" Mola exclaimed, laughing. "I bet the people down in the village heard it!"

"Sorry."

Presently, a Monkey named Loconia flew up to them. "Yo, just FYI," she started. "I just went out to get the newspapers. It's really cold out there!"

"Ah!" Chistery said happily. "A late summer chiller! Occasionally the Vinkus gets those. Well, I suppose I'd better fire up the furnace." He stood to leave, pleased to have something to think about besides his early morning wake up call.

"Have fun," Mola said with a smirk.

The furnace was on the first floor of Kiamo Ko, right outside the grand hall. Chistery thought his job would be simple, forgetting how disused the castle was. He entered the room, found the lever that would turn the furnace on, and pulled it. But the lever stayed right where it was. Today was just not Chistery's day with technology. He pulled with all his strength, and pushed off of the furnace with his foot. It moved with a violent bang. But nothing happened. Great. It was cold outside, and now they had a broken furnace. He cursed loudly, for the second time that day. How was he going to find a mechanic willing to fix the furnace belonging to the Wicked Witch of the West? This was going to be a wonderful day.

Chistery walked back to the servants' quarters, dejected. "How'd it go with the furnace?" Mola immediately asked.

"I broke it," Chistery groaned. "So much for making things perfect for Mistress Elphaba." He plopped down on the floor in Mola's room.

"Well, maybe we can fix it before she gets home."

Chistery glared at her. "Yes, and maybe I'll be appointed Throne Minister of Oz."

About three days later, Chistery and Mola were playing cards in Mola's room when Hessika flew into the room excitedly. "Mola, breaking news!" she exclaimed before noticing Chistery. "Oh, hey Chist, didn't see you there. Anyway, Mistress Elphaba is back!"

"Right then, I've got work to do," Chistery said, getting up. "Bye ladies!"

"He is so devoted to her," Mola remarked after Chistery left the room. "Isn't it just adorable?"

Chistery entered the room to find Elphaba hunched over her crystal ball, muttering to herself. He cleared his throat, and she jumped about a mile. "Hello, Mistress Elphaba!" he said cheerfully. "Welcome home. How was your trip?"

"Ugh! Hellish!" she exclaimed, launching into one of her tirades. "Last night, I was kicked out of a barn by a senile Munchkin lady who didn't even know I was the Wicked Witch of the West. Then, today I found that wretched little farm girl and her friends. Yeah, she has friends now: Boq, this stupid asshole who hates me even though he's in my debt, and a scarecrow. A talking scarecrow who kept looking at me like …"

"Like you were green?" Chistery supplied drily.

"No! It wasn't that! It was like … he was so shocked by the way I was acting. And hey, I was shocked by the way I was acting! You should've seen me! I was really mad!" She chuckled humorlessly. "He annoyed me so much that … I threw a fireball at him."

Chistery gasped. "What?!"

"I know, I know! I'm a terrible person! And … it only made him more shocked. Dorothy was terrified, Boq was trying to put on a show of bravery but I could tell he was scared too, but that straw man …" Elphaba shook her head in disbelief. "I couldn't figure him out." She sighed. "I didn't get the shoes either, in case you were wondering. What's been going on here?"

"Well …" Chistery started. "We officially have no heat. The furnace broke. Or rather, I broke the furnace. Please don't kill me!"

Elphaba chuckled. "I'm sure you didn't break the furnace, at least not intentionally. And even if you did, I wouldn't kill you. Now, let me have at it!"

"Pardon, Mistress?"

"I'm going to fix the furnace!" She stood up with authority and walked briskly out of her room, with Chistery scrambling after her.

"Mistress, I'll take care of it," he said quickly. "I'm sure you have more important things to worry about! You need rest."

She breathed deeply. "Chistery, when I was a little girl, my father thought he was above such menial tasks as the furnace, and my sister was crippled, so guess who had to take care of it? Yeah, me; wasn't I lucky? Anyway, I've got this." She marched into the furnace room, and slammed the door behind her.

Immediately, a great banging began, and smoke started seeping out into the hallway. Suddenly, Mola was next to Chistery. "Um, what's going on?" she asked nervously.

"Mistress has taken it upon herself to fix the furnace," he said matter of factly.

"Oh."

More banging, and then, "God bless it! Ozdamned stupid Vinkun furnace! Idiot, if you can hear me, YOUR PEOPLE HAVE SHODDY TECHNOLOGY! Why can't they just use helium like normal people?! Fuck this whole thing; I'm using magic …" Chistery supposed that the cloud of obscurity that was emitted by his boss that day would always hang over Lake Chorge.

"Should we … help her?" Mola asked tentatively.

Chistery shook his head. "Nah. She's in the zone."

It was fairly calm for awhile until, "Ha! It worked! The spell wor-…" More smoke started coming out. "Agh! Shit!" The door opened, letting out more smoke, and Elphaba stumbled out into the hall, covered in soot. "Good news and bad news. Good news: we have heat – sort of. Bad news: that … monster might explode at any time, or just plain quit. You're welcome. I'm taking a nice, long, hot shower, and then locking myself in my room for a bit, so don't you DARE disturb me!" She stalked off, fuming.

Chistery and Mola just smiled at each other. It was good to have her home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! Here's Chapter 6!**

 **I was at a Grateful Dead concert last weekend, and let me tell you: we Wicked fans may obsess over Fiyeraba or Gelphie and faint when we meet Idina or Willemijn, but we've got nothing on Deadheads! The people at that show were high and obsessed and … wow.**

 **And now for the actual story.**

Chapter 6

About a week later, it was Chistery's turn to go out and get the newspapers. Outside the front door of Kiamo Ko, he found not only the usual pile of newspapers, but also a stack of envelopes. What? Acquaintances of the Tigulaars knew not to send mail to Kiamo Ko! Perplexed, Chistery sorted through the envelopes and found that most were addressed to the "Wicked Witch of the West," and one was addressed to "Elphie." How the letters had gotten to the castle was beyond Chistery, but they were Mistress Elphaba's letters, so his only job was to deliver them to her.

But his delivery was intercepted by Mola, of course. "Chistery!" she exclaimed happily. "Whatcha doing?"  
"Here," he said, handing her most of the newspapers. "Take these down to the others. I have to go deliver Mistress Elphaba her mail."

She nodded. "Will do. Hey, do you want to hang out later? Like, say, tonight?"

"No, I can't, sorry. Mistress Elphaba needs me tonight to keep her sane while she stalks this girl. But another time, sure." He started flying towards the western tower. "See you, Mola!"

"Yeah, see you!" Mola watched as he flew out of sight.

To Chistery's gratification, Elphaba's face brightened when he entered her room. "Good morning, Chistery!" she said happily. "You have my paper?"

"Yep," he replied, handing it to her. "And, for some reason, you have mail too. Here. Take a look."

Elphaba blushed as she took the envelopes. "Well, people may have seen the sign that I posted."

Chistery was baffled. "The … sign that you posted?"

"Yeah. 'I'd turn back if I were you.' I thought it might scare people off." She rifled through her mail. "Looks like it did the opposite. Let's see …" She started opening envelopes. "'Wicked Witch of the West, I hope that saintly girl from Kan-zis drops a house on you too. Sincerely, Kaleedus.' Very nice. 'You're not even Vinkun; why are you messing with us? Much hatred, Toren Gangsworth.' I'm not messing with you, you idiot!"

"Mistress Elphaba," Chistery cut in. "Do you want me to burn those? You don't have to read them."

"No, I like these! They're a reminder that there are people in the world with more hatred than me. What does this one say? 'Wicked Witch of the West, I know your name's really Elphaba, but I don't give a damn because you cursed me so you don't deserve a name …' Whew! Run-on sentence! 'I'm going to make you pay one of these days, and you're going to hell just like your sister. Boq.' Idiot!" She slammed the letter back down on her desk.

"Here." Chistery held out a pink envelope. "This one's addressed to 'Elphie.'"

She snatched it from him. "Are you shitting me?! She couldn't have … But here we are: 'Elphie, I am so so so so sorry about everything. I'd have Dorothy give me Nessa's shoes, but I don't know how to undo the binding spell that I did. Can we talk? I could come to your place … you put up that silly sign …' Blah blah blah … 'I really miss you. Your friend, Glinda.' Pigspittle, my friend!" Elphaba tore up Glinda's note. "She has some nerve! Chistery, take this garbage to the dump in the basement. And if you ever see a woman with ridiculous blonde curls wearing a ridiculous poufy dress and riding a ridiculous magic bubble (which is probably the only magic she knows) trying to enter this castle, tell her to get lost! Let the Gale Force in before her."

Chistery truly had nothing to say to that except, "Yes, Mistress." Gabrialus had been right. Girls _were_ petty: Mola and Zalida, Mistress Elphaba and Lady Glinda … But it looked like from her letter that Glinda was ready to patch things up. Why wasn't Elphaba happy about that? Oh, well. Chistery couldn't even begin to understand his boss's rivalry with the blonde bubble queen.

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful until dinner, when Chistery noticed that Mola was not there. He slid over to Hessika. "Hey Hess," he said casually. "Any idea where Mola is?"

Hessika glared at him. "None of your business."

"What?! Of course it's my business! I'm her friend!"

"Look, Chistery," Hessika started. "She wants to have a quiet night. Okay?"

"Alright, alright. I just figured, since you're her roommate and all …"

"Chistery?"

"Yes?"

"Eat." Hessika's dangerous look forced him to comply. But he still wondered about Mola. Was she sick? Captured by the Gale Force? Dying? She could be in Southstairs even now as he ate, slowly reverting to silence. No, he was being paranoid. It was a good thing he had his rendezvous with Elphaba to distract him. But still, Mola was not one to miss meals …

Chistery knocked twice on Elphaba's door that evening. "Chistery?" he heard from inside.

"You got it," he replied. "May I come in?"

"Sure." He went in, and immediately she motioned him over to her crystal ball. "Come on. Let's see what we can see."

"With all due respect, Mistress," Chistery began carefully. "Are you sure I'll be able to see anything in that?"

Elphaba frowned thoughtfully. "I … think so. I'm pretty sure my powers will influence it." She turned to the crystal ball. "Alright, you stupid thing. Show us something useful." Then, to Chistery's surprise, the crystal turned black and showed four people walking through a forest.

Chistery grinned. "Well, I'll be damned!"

"Yes, congratulotions, you can see through a crystal ball," Elphaba said irritably. "Now, can you please actually look at what's going on?"

"Oh. Sorry, Mistress." He looked into the crystal again. "Oh, is that … what's her name?"

She had to work to spit the name from her lips. "Dorothy. And her friends. Wait! Does she have THREE friends now?!"

"It appears so. Is that a Lion?" Chistery squinted at the image.

Elphaba nodded. "Yes, I believe so. Ugh! What is it with this girl?! Charming everyone in her path!" She started yelling into the crystal ball. "So, you won't take warnings, eh? All the worse for you! I'll take care of you now rather than later!"

Chistery grabbed her hand. "Mistress Elphaba. I think it's too late to be casting any spells right now. Go to sleep, cool off …"

"No, Chistery, I'm not tired …" But then, of course, she let out a big yawn, betraying herself. Chistery led her over to her bed.

"Come on, go to bed. You need rest. Want me to be with you tomorrow when you take care of Dorothy?"

Elphaba nodded sleepily.

"Alright. Good night."

"Night."

Being a bit tired himself, Chistery walked back to the servants' quarters, ready for bed. Gabrialus was over at Zalida's, so Chistery had the room to himself. Praise Lurline. He quickly went to the washroom and took a shower, afterwards feeling quite refreshed. It was on the way back to his room that he heard something. Giggling. Coming from their storage closet. Feeling it his duty to tell people to get to bed, Chistery opened the closet door, and got the biggest shock of his life.

A Monkey named Danal was in there, with his hands all over a very giggly Mola.

 **Yeah. Chistery's a bit thick. But we love him anyway, right?**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Mola jumped when the door opened. "Chistery!" she shrieked. "Do you mind?!"

Chistery did not know what to say. "I … you … what – what's going on? It's … eleven at night!"

"Yeah, it's early," Danal agreed with a grin. "The night is young! Right, Mol?"

"Mol?!" Chistery repeated, outraged. "You're nicknaming her after a rodent?!" He could not figure out why he was so affected by this, but for some reason, he felt abandoned.

"Chistery, what is your problem?!" Mola asked. "I like Danal. It's natural! Oz, take a pill!"

"But a storage closet?! At least find a room to … do … this in. You're going to wake the whole castle, and especially Mistress Elphaba, who has had a very stressful night!" And then he stormed off to his room.

The next morning, Chistery woke up to find Gabrialus sitting beside his bed, right up in his face, staring at him. "Morning, Chist," he said with a touch of relief in his voice.

"Dude," Chistery groaned. "Thought you were with Zalida."

Gabrialus laughed. "I _was_ with Zalida! It's eleven o'clock in the morning! You missed breakfast, and when Mistress Elphaba told me to come get you, I could literally see the smoke coming out of her ears."

"What did she say?" Chistery asked, sitting up.

"Something along the lines of, 'Tell Chistery to get the fuck in here before I wear his entrails as a dress.' Yeah. You'd better fly double speed, dude." He looked sympathetically at Chistery.

"Yeah. See you later, Gabe."

As soon as Chistery entered her room, Elphaba whipped around to face him. "Where the HELL have you been?!" she screamed at him. He could suddenly see why all of Oz was afraid of her. "I came to your room FOUR HOURS AGO, and you were dead to the world! Little Miss Innocent and her ragamuffin crew of idiots are this close to the Emerald City, and we need to make this tonic NOW if we want to stop them! Now open those jars over there!"

"Yes, Mistress."

So Chistery and Elphaba worked, making this red stuff that looked disgusting but actually smelled pretty good. All the while, Elphaba muttered things under her breath like "poppies," and "this Ozdamned book." Chistery, meanwhile, was lost in his own dark thoughts about Mola. Why hadn't she told him about Danal? What gave Danal the right to eject his slobber all over Mola? Mola would never go for a pinhead like Danal! It was against all laws of nature …

"Aha!" Elphaba exclaimed triumphantly when they were done. "This will do the trick! Now, all I need to do is sift this smoke in her general direction, and say a few words. If this stupid book will actually cooperate …" She made a face as she opened her impossibly huge book of magic. "Let's see, flores dormiendo influene … flores dormiendo influene …" The smoke drifted out of the window at an alarmingly fast rate.

"Excuse me, Mistress?" Chistery started. "What exactly will this do to Dorothy?"

Elphaba got a distant look in her eyes, and Chistery could tell that she was about to go on a trip down Memory Lane. "I was at the train station, getting ready to go meet the Wizard, back when I thought he could actually help me, and Yero … I didn't think he would come, because back then we barely knew each other, but he came, carrying the finest bouquet of poppies, for me." She grinned. "I should've known then how he felt, but …" She returned to the present. "Poppies will put them to sleep. Then I'll get what's rightfully mine, and they'll see."

"Sounds like a good plan," Chistery said approvingly. "Now, Mistress, I hate to leave you, and if you need me, I'll stay, but I really want to go flying right now. There's … just a lot of things on my mind at the moment."

Elphaba smiled understandingly. "Go ahead. I can actually manage without you, you know."

"Nah, you never could, and you know it!"

Chistery flew the circumference of Kiamo Ko several times, much like he and Elphaba had done when they had first arrived at the castle. He remembered her first smile after her man had died, and how gratified he had been. And Chistery knew that Elphaba was by no means over Fiyero; she didn't talk about him much, but there were definitely days when she was more irritable, more like the wicked witch that people made her out to be. It saddened Chistery, and it made him wish that he could just wave his paw and make all her problems go away. Of course, there was the Mola issue on top of all that, but Chistery didn't want to think about that.

At dinner that evening, Mola plopped down next to Chistery, making him jump in surprise. "Look Chistery," she started. "We need to talk."

"Oh, do we?" he asked, taking a big bite of apple.

"Yes, we do. I'm sorry you had to see me with Danny last night. I … I didn't even mean for it to happen; he just asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and I said yes."

"So hanging out somehow turned into making out?"

"Oh, for Oz's sake, Chistery!" Mola exclaimed, slamming her spoon down. "I asked you if you wanted to hang with me, and you said no!"

"I had to help Mistress Elphaba!"

"Okay, we need to stop." Mola sighed. "We're both being really childish."

"Yeah, we are." He grinned at her a little bit. "Wanna fly with me to the western part of the castle?"

"Sure."

It was eerily like their first day at Kiamo Ko. They were actually enjoying flying around the castle, despite the awkwardness between them. But as they were flying past Elphaba's room, they heard banging, and, "FUCK! FUCK MADAME MORRIBLE! SOMEBODY ALWAYS HELPS THAT GIRL!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey! Sorry that this is a little late. I'm in the middle of getting ready for college, which is WAY more stressful when you have to hire personal assistants. Sometimes I think Nessa had it easy, even though her one PA was a fish …**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

Chapter 8

Without even thinking, Chistery and Mola burst into the room. Elphaba was over at her crystal ball, in complete hysteria. They each took one of her hands. "What happened?" Chistery asked immediately. "What'd she do?"

Elphaba, who was almost beyond speech at this point, pointed to the crystal ball and merely said, "Look."

They looked. The farm girl and her friends were not in a deathly sleep, but were instead happily frolicking through a field of snow covered poppies. "She … she counteracted your spell," Chistery realized, more to himself than to Elphaba.

"Yep," she said bluntly.

"What a friggin' sweetheart!" Mola exclaimed angrily. "Mistress, if you want, we can go to the EC right now and kidnap that fish lady for you. We can bring her right here so you can give her what she deserves!"

"Don't bother," Elphaba said, the wheels clearly turning in her head. "I'll go myself." She stood up determinedly. "Now."

Chistery said the first thing came to his mind, "No!"

She turned sharply towards him. "And why not?"

"Remember what happened the last time you went out? The furnace blew!"

"Well, that was less due to Mistress Elphaba's absence and more due to your stupidity, Chistery," Mola pointed out.

He glared at her. "Not helping."

"Look, you two," Elphaba started, grabbing her broom. "I won't be gone as long as I was last time. Just keep everything … copasetic, and don't blow up the castle. That's basically all I'm asking."

"Okay," Chistery said nervously. "Just be careful. Don't get yourself killed. If you do, I'll have A LOT of explaining to do!"

She grinned. "I'll try to stay in one piece." Then she flew out of the window, shrieking, "TO THE EMERALD CITY AS FAST AS LIGHTNING!" Chistery and Mola listened as her cackles grew more distant.

"She's off her nut," Mola declared.

"She's definitely not thinking clearly," Chistery admitted. "But hey, what can you do? I'm going to go take a nap."

Mola gave him a look. "There was a time when you would have been flying after her at full speed. What's going on? Never mind, I know what's going on. I'm sorry, Chistery." And she flew out of the room. Chistery was too befuddled to notice that she was crying.

He disarmed Elphaba's alarm clock, something she had taught him to do after he told her about his harrowing encounter with it. But as he picked it up, something fell out from under it. After he turned off the alarm clock, he picked up what had fallen: a spiral notebook open to the last page. Chistery was shocked to find the words "Fae + Yero" inscribed on the inside of the back cover. She must've drawn that before he died. Smiling sadly, Chistery put the notebook back on her nightstand.

"Hey, dude," Gabrialus greeted Chistery as the latter entered their room. "Any idea why Mola is sobbing right now?"

"She's sobbing?" Chistery repeated, shocked.

"Yeah. In the lavatory. Hessika's trying to get her to come out. Danal too."

"Well, at least she has Danal." Chistery suddenly thought of something. "How did she even catch Danal's eye anyway?"

Gabrialus grinned. "I … advised Danal in the right direction. Which, incidentally, is what I'm going to do with you."

"What?"

"You see, Chist, I've started a new project. I call it 'The Chistery Gets Laid Initiative.'"

Alarm bells went off in Chistery's head. "Oh no, man. You really don't have to do that!"

"I know," Gabrialus said with a grin. "That's what makes me the nicest guy ever! Look, I've got everything set up. Tomorrow night, go to that flat part of the castle roof near the royal apartments, and there you'll find a fine dinner, champagne, candles, and a foxy chick by the name of Mereada!" Gabrialus looked delighted with himself.

"Okay," Chistery said nervously. "But … but where are you getting the champagne from?"

"You know Mistress Elphaba's man had a stash, dude!"

Chistery was outraged. "No! We can't STEAL Prince Fiyero's booze! Mistress Elphaba needs that for when she wants to get drunk and forget her problems! She'd kill us both!"

"Relax! I'm only taking one bottle. That should be enough for the two of you." Gabrialus' nonchalance shocked Chistery.

He shook his head. "I don't like this, Gabe."

"Look, do you want to get a girl?"

Chistery was silent, which Gabrialus took as a yes.

"Then I'm getting that champagne!"

Elphaba came back in time for dinner, but she refused to eat. "I'm really tired," she explained to Chistery. "Making smoke into letters ain't as easy as it looks."

Having no idea what she meant by this, Chistery only said, "Shall I take your dirty laundry downstairs, Mistress?"

"Sure," she replied, before collapsing onto her bed.

As soon as Chistery got back downstairs, Gabrialus rushed up to him. "Is she asleep?" he eagerly asked Chistery.

"Yeah, she's sacked out," Chistery said. "But I really don't like this! She trusts me! And all of us! We're the only people in Oz she can trust right now! If we betrayed her …"

Gabrialus scoffed. "ONE bottle of champagne! I don't think we're betraying her."

Chistery tossed and turned that night, looking over at the empty bed eight feet away and knowing the crime that was taking place for his sake. He was grateful that Gabrialus wanted to help him, but this whole thing made him extremely nervous. He didn't want to deal with a furious Elphaba, and he didn't want to deal with a girl! But, it seemed that the cards were already in place for him.

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello! First of all, welcome ElsaElphieGinny to Monkey Business! Glad you like this story.**

 **Notes: Pipo is a character in an Ozian book who steals stuff, and the Ixaan in this chapter is actually Hungarian.**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 9

The next morning, Chistery returned from the showers to find Gabrialus just getting out of bed. "Morning, Pipo," Chistery teased. "Has Mistress Elphaba killed you yet?"

"Never!" Gabrialus said with a grin. "The whole deal fell into place without a hitch! No interferences from the witch!" He laughed at his own rhyming talent.

Chistery, on the other hand, was appalled. "Gabe! That's Mistress Elphaba you're talking about! She's not our … dictator! She's the woman who saved our necks!"

"Relax, Chist. I didn't say 'no interferences from the wicked witch'! I said 'no interferences from the witch'!" He looked at Chistery intensely. "She is a witch, right?"

"Of course she's a witch, you nincompoop! Why don't you look at those two big things coming out of your back as proof?"

Instinctively, Gabrialus looked at his wings. "Oh yeah."

"Where'd you put the champagne?" Chistery demanded.

"Oh, I just put it under my bed." He dug it out. "Here it is. Quality Vinkun spirits! Perfect for a romantic night out!"

Chistery snatched the champagne. "Give it. I'm going to take this to someone who really needs it." And he flew out of the room, ignoring Gabrialus's protests.

Chistery found Elphaba in her room eating breakfast. As always, she was very happy to see him. It was starting out like a good day. "Hey, Chistery!" she greeted him. "Wait, am I allowed to call you Chist, or is that just a Monkey thing?"

He blushed. "To tell the truth, it annoys me when people call me Chist."

"If you knew Glinda, she would probably insist on calling you Chistie." She smirked at him good naturedly.

"Chistie?!" Chistery repeated, horrified. "Yeah, you can call me Chist. Or call me Big Fat Stupid Monkey; just don't call me Chistie!"

Elphaba chuckled. "I think I'll just stick with Chistery."

"Cool. Anyway, I came to give you this." He presented her with the champagne bottle. "You need it."

Bewildered, she took it. "Well … thank you, Chistery. It's … not exactly the time of day to be drinking, but …" She uncorked the bottle with a loud pop, and took a giant gulp. After she swallowed, she let out a very unladylike "ahh." Chistery couldn't help but laugh a little at that. "So, not that I'm complaining, but why did you decide to treat me to the good stuff today?"

"Well …" Chistery started nervously. "There's a bit of a story there. You see, my roommate, Gabrialus, seems to think that I need a love life, so he set me up on a blind date tonight. And … he stole that bottle of champagne for it."

Elphaba's expression was unreadable. "Oh. I see. Did you know that Fiyero's father had this champagne made from the best fermentation plants in the Vinkus?"

"Are you taking me on a guilt trip?"

"Yes, now shut up. Fiyero brought this champagne to Shiz and served it at all his parties, including Nessa's 17th birthday party and my party before I went to the Emerald City. It holds much sentimental value."

Chistery held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I get it! I'm a horrible person who should be taken out and shot! I'm sorry!"

"Then the guilt trip was successful. Be sure to tell Gabrialus that too. And that I want to see him this evening."

"Yes, Mistress."

Chistery went back downstairs and entered his room to find Gabrialus with his lips locked on Zalida's. Chistery coughed to announce his presence. "Chistery!" Gabrialus exclaimed. "Lur, you have bad luck with walking in on people, don't you?"

"I'll leave so that you two can have some guy time," Zalida announced. "And by the way, Chistery, Mereada is very much looking forward to seeing you tonight. After all, as second in command to Mistress Elphaba, you're quite the catch!" She winked and flashed a flirtatious grin at him as she left the room.

"Ain't she something?" Gabrialus mused after Zalida had gone.

"Yeah well, ain't THIS something?!" Chistery mocked. "The champagne that you stole last night was ordered by Prince Fiyero's father! AND, Prince Fiyero brought it to school with him and shared it with Mistress Elphaba and her friends! So shame on you, 'cause you're getting called to the principal's office tonight!"

Gabrialus suddenly realized he had gotten in too deep. "Oh. Shit."

"Come on, Gabe, at least try to make nice with her."

"Well …" Gabrialus shifted uncomfortably. "Only thing is … she's a human. Humans kind of oppress us and stuff."

Chistery was now officially exasperated. "But Mistress Elphaba does not 'oppress us and stuff'!"

"Alright, I'll try to keep an open mind," Gabrialus said reluctantly.

As promised, when Chistery arrived on the roof that night, there was a fine dinner laid out – minus the champagne – but no Mereada. But, Chistery only had time to sip his water and contemplate whether it was right to start eating before he heard someone flying towards him. Mereada was pretty, Chistery had to admit, but something about her seemed … off. "Chistery!" she exclaimed as she sat down. "You must be Chistery! Well, of course you're Chistery; I see you all the time. Not that I stalk you, or anything. Hi."

"Um … hi," Chistery said awkwardly. "You're Mereada, I assume?"

"Yeah, I'm Mereada. And I'm so sorry I'm late! Zalida's my roommate, and she wanted to make me 'sexified' for you."

Chistery snorted. "I know your pain. My roommate is Gabrialus, and he basically coerced me into this whole thing."

Mereada looked crestfallen. "You don't want to be here?"

"No! I do! It's just, Gabrialus is …"

"Pushy?"

"Yeah."

Chistery soon learned that Mereada was an Ix-o-phile, obsessed with anything and everything about the little country to the north of Oz. She explained that at night, she would get Loconia, who was fairly small Monkey, to escape their cage and nip some of the Wizard's books. He had so many that he didn't notice. "I doubt he even reads any of those books!" Mereada said with a giggle. "Anyway, King Potesh was the first king of the Middle Ixaan Kingdom, and he led Ix into a golden age, full of economic prosperity. That was when Ix first started doing business with Oz, which I believe was under Ozma the … Gregarious, I think."

"Mm," was all Chistery could think to say to that.

Oblivious to her date's boredom, Mereada chuckled and continued, "Ozma wanted to marry Potesh and unite their two kingdoms, but Potesh famously said, 'Hadd Oz legyen a Ozággal, és hagyja Magyarországon legyen a Magyarországgal.'" Mereada beamed with delight.

Chistery, on the other hand, was utterly confusified. "Huh?"

"Oh! You don't know any Ixaan! It means, 'Let Oz be with Oz, and let Ix be with Ix.' Roughly."

"So … 'Magjorsawhaty' is Ixaan for 'Ix'?"

But before Mereada had a chance to respond, Mola suddenly came flying up to them, in apparent distress. "Chistery! Mereada!" she exclaimed breathlessly. "I really don't mean to interrupt your date, even though I think you could do better, Chistery, but whatever. A special evening edition of the paper came. The Wizard says he'll grant the requests of the alien girl and her friends, but they have to do something first."

Mola looked visibly pained, so Chistery gently prodded her. "What do they have to do?"

"They have to kill Mistress Elphaba."

 **Sorry! But you knew it was going to happen at some point!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's Chapter 10!**

 **Also, side note: would any of you like it if before each chapter I posted some behind the scenes tidbit about my writing? 'Cause I personally LOVE it when other authors do that!**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 10

Chistery and Mereada were both in shock for a minute. "They have to do what now?" Chistery finally asked, making sure he had heard right.

"They have to kill Mistress Elphaba," Mola repeated. "They've already started making their way out here."

"Oh, Lurline!" Mereada breathed. "Well, we're not gonna let them kill her, will we? We'll go into siege mode, just like Queen Gyra had to do when Fliaan invaded!"

Mola was baffled. "Huh?"

"Ixaan history," Chistery explained tiredly. "Look, ladies, Mistress Elphaba probably needs me right now, so … bye!" He flew to the western tower as fast as he could.

Mola sighed. "Mistress Elphaba is always his top priority."

"I think it's cute!" Mereada said with a giggle.

When Chistery approached Elphaba's room, he was surprised to hear hysterical laughter instead of panic. He entered the room to find Elphaba practically lying in a chair, a bottle of champagne in one hand, a newspaper in the other. "Um … Mistress Elphaba?" Chistery said nervously.

"Those … vagabonds … think … they can kill me!" Elphaba said between laughs. "It's just too funny! A ten year old with no power … killing me!" She stood up and stumbled over to get more champagne. Chistery was alarmed to see that she had a whole stash in her room.

"You're drunk," he told her, just realizing it himself.

Elphaba snorted and choked on her champagne. "I know! This is so great! At first, I was kind of annoyed that you and Gabrialus stole that liquor, but now … woo! I feel on top of the world!" She took another gulp, and then dissolved into actual giggles. Chistery had never seen his boss giggle before. He noticed her broomstick lying in its usual place, and knew what he had to do.

"Well, that's … great, Mistress," he said, discreetly grabbing her broom. "I'm just gonna go to bed now. Good night!"

"Good night, Chistery!" But then she noticed what he was holding. "Hey! That's my broomstick! Give that back to me!"

Chistery shook his head. "Sorry, Mistress Elphaba. No can do."

"But …"

"There's a law in Oz about driving drunk. I'm sure it could apply to flying too."

She put her hands on her hips. "There's also a law in Oz about questioning 'His Supreme Ozness,' but I've lived with letting that one slide."

"Oh, for Lurline's sake, you could die!" Chistery shouted, exasperated. "Now, I know you're my boss, and I'm your … butler person, but right now, your judgment is impaired, and you need to go to bed. Understood?"

Elphaba pouted. "Ugh. You're no fun."

"Even though I work for you, I still consider you a friend," Chistery said as he left her room. "Friends don't let friends fly drunk. You'll feel better in the morning." He knew that in reality, her head would be pounding, but there was no need to tell her that.

When he got back down to the servants' quarters, everyone was shocked to see what he was holding. "Wow, Chistery," Mola said. "I'm surprised she let you take that. Why did you take it?"

"Mistress Elphaba is extremely inebriated," Chistery announced to all of them. "If I let her keep this, she would most likely do the farm girl's job for her."

"True," Gabrialus agreed. "She was only hiccupping a little when she was having that talk with me, but now … she's really wasted?"

Chistery nodded. "Drunk as a skunk."

"You know, there was an Ixaan king who was a drunkard," Mereada informed them. "They called him King Telo the Drunk. He was overthrown by his son-…"

"Thank you, Mereada," Chistery said, annoyed. "I'm going to bed now. I'm tired. Fresh dreams, all!"

As soon as he woke up the next morning, Chistery went straight to the kitchen. He made soup, wrapped it up in tinfoil, and then grabbed a cold compress from the only first aid kit they owned. He walked to Elphaba's room, worried that flying would spill the soup.

The first thing Chistery did in Elphaba's room was pull back the drapes. The window was facing west, but still, sunlight poured into the room. "Mmm!" Elphaba said groggily. "Galinda! Close those blinds! One more minute." This made no sense to Chistery, but she _was_ half-asleep.

"Good morning, Mistress Elphaba!" he said cheerfully. "I have breakfast!"

Elphaba groaned and sat up. "Not so loud, Chistery! My head!"

"I have something for that." He handed her the compress. "And I have soup too! Time honored hangover cure."

She took the first sip of soup. "Thanks, Chistery. And … I'm sorry for my behavior last night. I was …"

Chistery looked at her pointedly. "Drunk?"

"Yeah. I just … saw what was in the paper, and I guess I was scared. So I thought getting smashed would make me feel better." Elphaba lowered her head guiltily. "If he could see me now …"

"He would still be bonkers for you," Chistery interrupted firmly. "From what you've told me, you were pretty much his world."

"I know," she whispered. "It's just … if she kills me, you know, what will that say about me? I mean, ugh, maybe this is still the alcohol talking, but what mark will I leave on the world?"

He grabbed her hand. "I won't let her kill you. But even if she did, Mola, and Gabrialus, and Hessika, and … Mereada, and all of us would go to our graves swearing your non wickedness." He grinned to lighten the mood, and she returned his smile.

"How's it going with Mereada, by the way?" Elphaba asked with a teasing glint in her eye.

"I don't know," Chistery said honestly. "She's so uptight! And if I have to hear about the 'noble history of Ix' one more time …" His heart leapt when she laughed at that.

"I actually think Ixaan history is pretty interesting."

He pretended to glare at her. "I hate you."

"Oh, such is my lot!" Elphaba exclaimed, laughing. "Hated and scorned by even my loyal Monkey servants!" She sobered. "I won't let her kill me. No. No, this could actually work to my advantage."

"How so?" Chistery asked, curious.

Elphaba had that look of determination on her face that she always got when she had just formulated a plan. "Dorothy Gale comes to the Vinkus? So do those shoes."

 **There you have it! She has a plan!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

It should be known that Mola was not a very popular Monkey in their little clan. Sure, she had her boyfriend, Danal, and her roommate, Hessika, but no really close friends besides that. Especially after Chistery flaked out on her. This got better once the news had broken that Dorothy was coming to kill Elphaba; the Monkeys all sort of bonded together once that had happened. But still, for the most part, Mola was kind of a loner. So, one morning, she decided to hang out with the only other loner at Kiamo Ko: Elphaba herself.

Mola knocked once on Elphaba's door. "Who is it?" she heard from inside.

"It's Mola, Mistress," Mola answered. "Can I come in?"

"Of course!" Mola entered to find Elphaba finishing up her breakfast. She was delighted to see that her boss's hair was down; this was her excuse for coming to visit.

"How was your breakfast, Mistress Elphaba?" Mola asked. "Was it satisfactory?"

Elphaba nodded. "Oh yes, it was delicious!"

"Fantastic!" Mola clapped her hands. "Now, I came today because I thought you might like to do something different with your hair. It's so pretty. With all due respect, I don't know why you keep it in a bun almost 24/7. May I style it for you?"

"You sound like Glinda," Elphaba said with a laugh. "But go ahead. Work your magic."

"Don't mind if I do!" Mola began to put Elphaba's hair into curlers. "See, Chistery usually sees you in the morning, but he doesn't know ANYTHING about hair!"

"Where is Chistery, anyway?"

Mola shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think he and Gabrialus are off doing some 'guy' thing. Oz knows what that is."

"I don't think I want to know."

"Me neither!" They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Mola gathered her confidence, and decided to ask Elphaba something. "Mistress? Did it … take awhile for him to realize he loved you?" She didn't dare say Kiamo Ko's "F" word.

Elphaba was silent for several minutes until she finally said, "Yes, it did. Almost two years. He was very confused about his feelings." She looked up at Mola knowingly. "As is Chistery."

Mola scoffed. "Chistery doesn't care about me. He can go right ahead and screw Miss Ix-o-phile, but he can't see what's right in front of him. He's either blind, or-…"

"An idiot," Elphaba finished. "Chances are he's the latter. Most men are. But here's the thing: men usually act … strange when they are developing feelings for a woman."

"But Chistery always acts strange!" Mola insisted. "He's a friggin' weirdo who would take a bullet for you, and it's just so damn cute!" Elphaba snickered at that, causing the curler that Mola was holding to fall to the ground. "Shit."

"Sorry! It's just … you've got it bad!"

Mola sighed. "I know. But I'm with Danal. And he's with Mereada. I guess I'm just … not that girl."

Elphaba smiled faintly, obviously thinking about something distant. "Mola, what I've found is that girls who say that … tend to have their fortunes turned on them."

"I hope so." Mola put the last curler in. "There! Done!"

Elphaba went over to her mirror. "Um, Mola?" she asked.

"Yes, Mistress?"

"Why do I look like a black poodle? Is this … what you intended?"

Mola chuckled. "No, Mistress. The curlers just keep your hair in place. When I take them out, you'll have beautiful raven curls! For a while." But then she thought of something. "Oh, we need heat. Is the furnace cooperating today?"

"Nope. But, I do have something else that might work." Elphaba took out the Grimmerie. "There has to be something in here involving heat." She rifled through the book. "Aha! Here's something that might do the trick! I need a good conductor, though."

"Your hat?" Mola suggested.

Elphaba snorted. "As hilarious as that would be, I don't think it would fit over the curlers. What about … this towel? Let's try it." She wrapped the towel around her head and started chanting. "'Apoello caldonis flamokina. Apoello caldonis flamokina. Apoello caldonis flamokina.' Oh my Oz, that's hot!" She threw the now steaming towel onto the floor.

"The good news is, I don't think your hair's burnt," Mola said, stepping forward. "Here, let's see what we've got." She started taking out the curlers, and was amazed at what she saw. The curls bounced down in shiny, ebony waves, more stunning than any human hair Mola had ever seen before. "Why, Mistress Elphaba! Look at you! You're beautiful!"

"No, I'm not," Elphaba immediately protested, but then she saw herself in the mirror. "Oh. Wow."

"I have an idea!" Mola exclaimed. "We're having a little party tonight. It was originally going to be just a Monkey thing, but with you looking like that, and just being awesome, I think you should come!"

"Really? Can I?" Elphaba asked incredulously.

"Of course! It'll be a hoot!"

Chistery and Gabrialus, meanwhile, were on a mission. The party, of course, had been Gabrialus' idea, and Chistery had reluctantly agreed. They went down to the village to not only get supplies for the party, but also to get more weapons for them and for the Tigulaars' army. Even though Dorothy was just a little girl, she needed to be taken seriously, especially since she had a crazy, axe wielding tin man traveling with her.

Once they had delivered the Tigulaars' army their artillery, Chistery and Gabrialus retired to their room, a bit spent. "So," Gabrialus started. "You know how to dance, Chist?"

"No," Chistery answered honestly.

"Well, you're gonna need to learn how to dance if you want to get with Mereada tonight!" Gabrialus moved closer to Chistery. "Here, I'll be the chick. You just put your hand around my waist, and I'll put my hand here, and … one, two, three, one, two, three …" Gabrialus drilled Chistery until the latter insisted on taking a nap before the party. Sometimes Gabrialus really could be a little bit overbearing.

Getting ready for the party that night, Chistery had to admit that he was nervous. He knew that, as second in command to Elphaba, a lot of Monkeys were going to want to talk to him that night. He knew that his job was to reassure them that the farm girl and her companions would not harm them. And they wouldn't, not on Chistery's watch. Meanwhile, in the western tower, Elphaba prepared herself for her last Ozian party.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi! Chapter 12 here! Just to let y'all know, I will be traveling to COLLEGE during the next few days, so I may not post for a while.**

 **Ultimate Queen of Cliffies – Will there be Fiyeraba?! Is the Pope Catholic?**

 **Dog Lover 645 – I like Molistery!**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 12

Chistery and Mereada entered the servants' living room to find that it had been transformed into a glitzy ballroom. Cheap streamers were hung everywhere, and Betzo, a Monkey who had just recently discovered his musical talents, was playing the guitar and singing "Left My Love Down in the Badlands." Drinks and food were properly laid out, and all the Monkeys seemed to be enjoying themselves.

"So," Chistery started, feeling awkward. "Wanna dance?"

"Sure," Mereada answered, and she allowed Chistery to lead her onto the dance floor.

As he was dancing, Chistery felt very clumsy. He put his hand around Mereada's waist, just like Gabrialus had told him to, but wasn't that kind of rapey? He honestly didn't know. He also counted his step precisely under his breath, being careful not to step on Mereada's feet. "One, two, three, one, two, three …"

Mereada gave him a funny look. "Have you danced before, Chistery?"

"No!" he said. "Have you?"

"No. It's nice. You're very careful."

"Well, thank you." He then remembered one of Gabrialus' tips for impressing a girl. "Um, Mereada? You look really … pretty tonight."

She smiled widely, obviously flattered. "Thank you, Chistery! I let Zalida give me a makeover. You look handsome too."

"Thanks."

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen!" Betzo announced, finishing up his song. "It's time for the first slow dance of the night! So grab your sweetheart and get ready to dance to 'Timeless Love' by Izzok Menndul!"

Mereada squealed. "Oh, I LOVE Izzok Menndul! He's one forth Ixaan!"

"Of course he is," Chistery said with a sigh as they began to dance again.

 _The first time I saw you,_

 _It was your eyes that struck me,_

 _Two brilliant stars,_

 _In endless blue._

 _I'll never go far_

 _Without you._

Ugh. Chistery absolutely detested songs like these: sappy and romantic and sugary sweet. Mereada, on the other hand, was enjoying herself immensely, singing along to the chorus literally in Chistery's ear. "Yeah, baby! I got timeless love for you! Love that won't fade with age. 'Cause it's timeless love, and it's all for you." Chistery felt like he might throw up at any moment.

But then, the song ended, and Chistery caught sight of someone new entering their makeshift ballroom. If it wasn't for her distinctive coloring, he might not have recognized her. She was wearing a black dress, as always, but now it was sequined, each little part capturing a different ray of light. Her hair, usually as straight as a stick, was now up in beautiful ebony curls, free of the pins that ordinarily held them. Forgetting Mereada for a clock tick, he made his way over to her. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Who are you, and what have you done with my boss?"

Elphaba laughed. "I know. Do you think it's a bit much?"

"No!" He held up his hands. "You look amazing! I'm so glad you came! Where did you get that dress?"

"Oh, it's one of the same old dresses I always wear – with a little magic touch to it." She grinned at him.

"Well, you look amazing!" Chistery repeated, still somewhat stunned. "And the curls?"

"Mola. She curled my hair this morning. She's really nice, you know that, right?"

"Yeah …" Chistery couldn't quite figure out what she was getting at.

Just then, Betzo took to the stage again. "Alright, ladies and gentlemen," he began. "As a ceremonial procedure, I would like to request that Mistress Elphaba and our leader, Chistery, have a solo dance." Automatically, all the Monkeys left the dance floor.

Chistery turned to Elphaba. "If you don't want to do it …"

"No, I do," she said. "They're worried about what's to come, and this will … raise their spirits."

"Okay …"

Sensing that a decision had been made, Betzo asked, "What song would you like, Mistress Elphaba?"

She only thought for a moment. "'Vinkun Wildflower' by the Hunters."

"You got it, Mistress!"

"Why this song?" Chistery asked as they started dancing. It was a little awkward at first, given that Chistery was a bit shorter than a normal human, and Elphaba was actually taller than the average woman, but they made it work.

"It was one of his favorites," Elphaba replied, getting that melancholy yet fond expression on her face that she always got on the very rare occasions in which she talked about Fiyero. "Once, we could hear him singing it all the way down the hall in school. Glinda and I almost fell over laughing …"

Chistery smiled. "He sounds like a very … interesting person."

"He was."

 _I need my Vinkun Wildflower to comfort me._

 _I need my Vinkun Wildflower to shield me._

 _I need my Vinkun Wildflower to love me till the night is gone._

"I just want to be clear here," Chistery said. "The Vinkun Wildflower is actually a woman, right?"

Elphaba chuckled and nodded. "Yes. Or a man, depending on who's singing the song."

"Mistress? Are you worried about …?"

"No," she said firmly. "Not tonight. Tonight is about having fun and celebrating the moment. Nothing more than that."

At the end of the dance, all the Monkeys cheered and clapped. Suddenly, Chistery felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Surprised, he turned to see Mola grinning at him. "May I cut in?" she asked, looking from Chistery to Elphaba and back.

"Of course," Elphaba said, stepping aside. "Go right ahead." And with a flurry of green fingers, she was gone.

"So," Mola began, obviously nervous. "Want me to tell you a secret that probably won't be a secret in an hour?"

"Sure," Chistery said, not quite knowing what to expect.

"I just broke up with Danal."

"Oh."

"Yeah. He was actually pretty cool with it. It was just a casual thing anyway."

Chistery didn't know what to say. "Well … it's good that you're so nonchalant about it. I guess."

"I agree," Mola said, twirling. "And maybe now …"

But before Mola could finish, Betzo spoke again. "Attention, ladies and gentlemen. Loconia would like to make an announcement."

Chistery watched in bewilderment as Loconia took to the stage. "While you all have been partying, I have been out scouting," she said. "Dorothy and her friends are only about a mile from Kiamo Ko."

 **Sorry for the cliffie! Serious Molistery in the next chapter, I promise!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Immediately, they heard a curse, and then saw Elphaba running up the stairs, out of sight. "Don't anybody come with me!" she yelled over her shoulder. "Not until I know what's going on!" And so, all the Monkeys stayed where they were, confused and worried.

"Do you think Mistress Elphaba can take Dorothy?" Mola asked Chistery.

"No doubt!" Chistery said confidently. "Now, what were you about to say?"

Mola looked right into Chistery's eyes. "Chistery, do you notice anything?"

Chistery was very confused. "Do I notice anything?"

"For Oz's sake, Chistery!" Mola exclaimed. "Do you think I ever really WANTED to be with Danal?!"

"Well, I didn't-…"

"Do you think I actually found his brainlessness ATTRACTIVE?!"

"Mola-…"

"Have you ever at least considered the possibility that I might actually love YOU?!"

Chistery started to get irritated. "Oz, woman, do you EVER let anyone else talk?! Wait. You what me?!"

"I love you, Chistery," Mola said simply. "Well, maybe not love, at least not yet, but I think you're really … neat."

"I-I think you're neat too," Chistery answered, astonished. "Just … wait here. I'll be right back."

"Try not to hurt her," Mola called after him, knowing what he was going to do.

Chistery found Mereada sitting alone, right where he had left her. "Hey Mereada," he began. "I think you're kind of cool and all, with your Ixaan knowledge and everything, but-…"

"You don't want to see me anymore," Mereada finished for him. "I know. And it's okay. The whole clan always knew that you and Mola would have a thing. Even Mistress Elphaba knew it, I think. So go with her. You deserve each other."

"Okay," Chistery said, a bit baffled. "Thank you."

Ten minutes later, Chistery and Mola were in Chistery's room (Gabrialus, of course, was somewhere else with Zalida). "Can I be honest?" Mola asked Chistery.

"Shoot, you've been honest all night!" Chistery quipped. "Go ahead."

"I feel … a bit like Mistress Elphaba when Prince Fiyero left Lady Glinda for her. This … is so unbelievable."

Chistery grinned. "Do you think I'm as handsome as Prince Fiyero?"

"Maaaybe," Mola said, returning his grin. She giggled, and then Chistery was pretty sure he knew what was going to happen next. Yep. Mola's lips. On his. He was cautious at first in kissing her back, but then, he felt her hand on his back, and he knew this was not going to end soon. For the first time, he wasn't at all nervous around a girl. Quite the contrary. Mola was the only one who truly understood him, and he loved her for that.

Suddenly, they heard a commotion from outside: the flapping sounds of a mass exodus of winged Monkeys. But neither of them cared. The castle could have been burning down, and neither Chistery nor Mola would have given it a second thought.

But then, there was a pounding on the door, which they did notice. "CHISTERY! MOLA! GET THE HELL UP TO MY ROOM! NOW!"

"Yes, Mistress Elphaba," Chistery called. He noticed his lips felt swollen from kissing. "C'mon." Without another word, the new couple flew quickly toward the western tower.

When they got there Elphaba practically flew up out of her chair. Her hair was straight again, and in a bun, and her dress was back to normal. "Good!" she exclaimed. "Everyone's here. Now, Chistery, I need you to lead the whole lot into the forest and bring me that pesky little girl. Bring the dog too; I might want to use it bait."

"But what about the others?" Chistery asked.

Elphaba slammed her fists down onto her desk. "I don't fucking care about the others! Tear them to pieces, hang them from trees, whatever! JUST BRING ME THAT GIRL! And take special care of Nessa's shoes; you know how much I want them. Now, all of you, fly! FLY!"

She was in full Wicked Witch mode, so Chistery knew not to contradict her. "Come on!" he told the others. "Let's move!" They flew out of the window, and descended on the forest below.

The four companions, of course, were terrified when they saw the Monkeys, and tried to run. But Chistery saw Gabrialus and some of his buddies tackle the Tin Man to the ground and hang his axe from a tree. Good.

"Chistery!" Hessika called. "We've destroyed the Scarecrow! The Lion is nowhere to be found." Chistery looked, and sure enough, Hessika and some others had taken out all of the Scarecrow's straw, with him still screaming in protest.

"Good!" Chistery yelled back. "Mola! Get the dog! And Gabe! Help me with the girl!"

"Got you, bro!" Gabrialus replied. They easily grabbed the girl, who was now paralyzed with fear, and carried her up off the ground, towards Kiamo Ko. Once she realized she was in the air, Dorothy (was that her name?) started screaming at the top of her lungs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

"Are you sure you want us to let you go?" Chistery asked her. "It looks like a pretty nasty fall."

"Plus," Gabrialus added, "the Witch wants you alive, sweet cakes!" And Dorothy began to cry petulantly.

"Welcome, my pretty," Elphaba said mockingly when they arrived. "Welcome to Kiamo Ko. It's so kind of you to visit me in my loneliness."

"Ooo, sorry to interrupt," Mola said. "But here's the dog, Mistress. Or … at least … I think this is a dog. Looks like a giant rat to me." She handed Elphaba the dog, and Dorothy cried even harder.

"No!" she yelled. "Toto! Please, give me back Toto!"

"Ah, doesn't feel so good to have something taken from you, now does it?" Elphaba spat at Dorothy. "You'll get your … rat back all in good time, my pretty. AKA, when you give me those shoes."

"B-but Glinda said-…"

"I DON'T GIVE A F-…" Elphaba suddenly remembered that she was, in fact, talking to a ten year old. "I don't care what _Glinda_ said. Chistery, drown this thing."

"Yes, Mistress Elphaba," Chistery said, taking the dog. "Would you like me to also scout out the grounds in case any silly rescue missions are going on?"

"Oh, yes please!" But then, the dog leapt out of Chistery's arms and made a run for it.

"Shit!" Chistery exclaimed. He, unlike Elphaba, had forgotten his company. "I'll get it, Mistress!" He and Mola chased the dog, but in vain, as it had already crossed over the drawbridge.

"Damn it!" Mola cursed quietly.

"I'll still go around the castle," Chistery told her. "See if I can find it."

"Okay, Chister." Mola kissed him, which still caught him by surprise. "Good luck." Chister. Now that was a nickname he could live with.

Chistery flew around Kiamo Ko many times. It took him awhile, but he finally saw the Tin Man and the Lion resting on some rocks. The Scarecrow was a little ways ahead of them. The Scarecrow was alone. Perfect. Chistery swooped down and grabbed the Scarecrow by the arms. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't unstuff your ass right now, straw man!" he demanded.

"Please! Don't hurt me!" the Scarecrow exclaimed. "I … um … have something to give to Elphaba."

"You know her name?" Chistery asked suspiciously.

"Yes, I do." The Scarecrow held out a letter. "Please. Give this to Elphaba. Give this to my Fae."

Chistery groaned. "Sweet Oz, I am tripping! You're not … No way! I refuse to believe it!"

"Please!" the Scarecrow said desperately. "She'll die otherwise." He practically shoved the letter into Chistery's hand.

"My, aren't we melodramatic," Chistery mumbled. "Fine, Lover Boy. I'll make sure she gets it."

The Scarecrow threw his arms around Chistery. "Thank you, Monkey!"

"It's Chistery." He extracted himself from the Scarecrow's arms, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "I'll just … get this to Elphaba."

Chistery flew back to Kiamo Ko, a little bit confused. Was the Scarecrow in fact Prince Fiyero? Or simply another admirer of Elphaba? He certainly seemed like he loved her. Well, that was for Elphaba to decide. Chistery heard her voice, not from the western tower, but from the foyer. "I can do anything I want! I am the Wicked Witch of the West!"

He peaked in, and saw that Elphaba was talking to Lady Glinda.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello! This is the last chappie.** **L** **Hope y'all enjoyed this story; it was very fun to write!**

 **Shameless plug: I'm still working on If/Then, which, if you don't know, chronicles two different realities for Elphaba based on whether she defied the Wizard or not.**

 **Also, THANK YOU to my two main reviewers: Dog Lover 645 and Ultimate Queen of Cliffies. Virtual hugs for both of you!**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 14

Chistery knocked once before opening the door. "Um, ladies?" he asked tentatively. "Mind if I come in?"

Elphaba turned sharply in a panic, but then relaxed when she saw Chistery. "Of course," she said. "Come in. Chistery, this is Glinda. Glinda, this is Chistery. He works for me."

"Yeah, hi," Chistery briefly addressed Glinda. "Mistress, could I borrow you for a second? A rather delicate matter has come up."

Elphaba's face immediately flashed with concern. "Sure. Glin, could you wait here? I probably won't be long."

"Is something wrong, Elphie?" Glinda asked.

"I'm not sure yet. That's what Chistery wants to tell me. Really, hang tight. I'll be back in a clock tick, I swear."

Glinda sighed. "Alright."

Elphaba followed Chistery into a nearby hallway. "So, what's up?"

"Well, I went out to look for the dog, like I said I would," he began. "Didn't find it, unfortunately."

She shrugged. "That's alright. I've told her that she's not going anywhere until she gets those shoes off her feet."

"Like I said, I didn't find the dog. But I found the Scarecrow instead."

"The Scarecrow?" Elphaba repeated, surprised. "Did you bring him here? Because if he's trying to rescue that brat-…"

"He's not," Chistery assured her. "He, um, asked me to give you this." He gave her the letter, which she took with bewilderment. She unfolded it, and her eyes grew wide as she started to read. "He seemed pretty … distraught. I'm not sure what his deal is."

"It's him," Elphaba muttered in disbelief. "This is … too good to be true. But I'd recognize that scrawl anywhere … Oh, you idiot, if you scare me like that again …"

"Soo, that's really …"

She nodded. "The spell worked. It actually worked! Oh, Chistery!" She bent down and hugged him. "Thank you for everything you've done for me these past few months. I honestly don't think I could've gone on without you."

Chistery suddenly was very concerned. "Are you leaving?"

"I have to, Chistery. If I stay, I'll die. And it probably wouldn't go well for you, either." She looked him in the eyes. "Chistery, I need you to do something for me."

"Of course, Mistress, anything."

"For Oz's sake, not Mistress! Not anymore, at least."

"What do you need me to do, Elphaba?" He felt rude not using her honorific.

She sighed. "I need you to fill a bucket with water, and put it in the North Tower."

Chistery gasped. "You're not going to do what I think you're going to do?!"

"'Her soul is so unclean that pure will melt her.'" Elphaba nodded. "I hear what they say. And now, they can finally get what they want."

"And … is this his crazy plan or yours?"

Elphaba grinned broadly. "His."

"Right," Chistery said, trying to comprehend everything. "What you see in him, I honestly do not know."

"Chistery," Elphaba started, coming back to reality. "You have to promise me that you won't tell ANYONE that I'm alive. Not Gabrialus, not Mola, not anybody. Understood?"

"But … Mola. I can't lie to Mola! Not when we're just starting out!"

"I know. It's gonna be hard. I have to lie to Glinda, so I know how you feel. But otherwise-…"

Chistery interrupted her. "I know, I know, danger for all of us."

"Yeah. And tell the other Monkeys … I don't know. Something cool. Tell them I said it."

"Will do." They both smiled sadly at each other.

"And good luck with Mola. I always knew you two would be great together."

"Same to you: good luck with Fiyero."

She flashed a small smile. "Thanks."

After doing his final task for the woman to whom he owed so much, Chistery went back downstairs. "There you are, Chistery!" Mola exclaimed. "Any guidance from Mistress Elphaba? What does she want us to do?"

"We are to stay here," Chistery said with a sigh. "She wants to fight alone."

"Is she fucking nuts?!" Gabrialus asked, outraged. "There are about 500 angry people with pitchforks and other nasty stuff right outside this damn castle, plus a crazy, axe wielding tin man, and she wants to fight alone?! Fuck that!"

Chistery remained calm. "Mistress Elphaba has given her orders." And all the Monkeys moved into a worried silence.

About a half hour later, an ungodly shriek rang throughout Kiamo Ko. Automatically, Mola clutched Chistery's hand. "What was that?"

"I don't know," Chistery said slowly. "It sounded like …"

"Oh Oz, no!"

Chistery kissed her cheek. "Don't panic yet. I'm going to go see what's going on." He felt so horrible that he actually did know what was going on, but could not reassure his cohorts.

As he approached the North Tower, he heard someone crying. He entered to find all the witch hunters gone, but Lady Glinda was sitting on the floor, holding Elphaba's hat and crying. "Elphie, Elphie …"

"Lady Glinda?" he asked carefully.

Her head shot up. "Chester? It's Chester, right?"

"Chistery."

"Chistery. I'm sorry, Chistery. She's gone."

"She melted?"

Glinda nodded, and then dissolved back into tears. Meanwhile, Chistery took in the scene. Elphaba's cloak was splayed on the floor, soaking wet. Even though he knew she wasn't really dead, it was still a tragic sight to see. As he absentmindedly fingered through her cloak, he felt something smooth in the folds. Bewildered, he pulled out a green glass bottle.

"Interesting …" he muttered to himself.

"What's that?" Glinda asked.

"Here." Chistery handed it to her. "I've never seen it before."

Glinda was pensive. "I have. Look, Master Chistery, I have to go."

"Really? You can stay if you want. You are always welcome here at Kiamo Ko. I think she would've wanted that."

"You're very sweet," Glinda said with a small smile. "But I, um, have some important business I have to attend to. Fresh dreams."

"You too."

When Chistery got back down to the servants' quarters, Mola immediately asked him, "What happened? Is she …"

"Mistress Elphaba … is dead," Chistery said, hating that he had to say that.

Mola began to cry. "No … How? Chistery, what happened?" Some Monkeys cried along with her, others were simply frozen in shock.

Chistery had to force himself to continue. "I didn't see what happened. But … they destroyed her body to celebrate their triumph."

"Oh man," Gabrialus groaned.

"But," Chistery went on, "just because they're celebrating her death doesn't mean we can't celebrate her life. Elphaba Melena Thropp was a fierce political activist, a powerful sorceress, and extremely loyal to the ones that she loved. She was a prime example of empathy and compassion, and she understood that good should be done for the sake of doing good, not to get a medal or a reward. Even in death, we still owe so much to this wonderful woman. Now, would anyone else like to add anything?"

Mola spoke up. "Mistress Elphaba always knew the right thing to say at the right time."

"She never changed her opinions for anyone or anything."

"She wasn't like other humans," Gabrialus added. "She got our struggle."

"I don't understand how anybody could've thought that she was evil, 'cause she was the nicest person in Oz." The Monkey who said this barely got it out before she burst into tears.

Then Feno, a little Monkey of about three, piped up. "One time, there was a thundastorm, and I was cwyin' because I don't like the thunda, and Mistwess Elbeba told me that the thunda is just answerin' the lightnin'. And that made me feel betta."

Chistery nodded at him. "Thank you, Feno."

After most everyone had contributed a memory, they all went to bed. Well, almost all of them. Chistery couldn't help himself. He sneaked up to the North Tower and peaked in. The Scarecrow (or Fiyero, Chistery now assumed) was kissing Elphaba all the way up her neck, while she giggled and protested, "Yero! Stop! We have to get going!"

He sighed and pulled away. "You're right. Shall we?"

"Yeah. Let's go." And they started leaving through another door.

Chistery thought about calling after them for one last goodbye, but then decided against it. He didn't want to give them a scare, and besides, he had already said his goodbyes to Elphaba. He didn't know what he was going to do without having her needs to attend to, but she had Fiyero now. She was all set. Chistery sighed and went downstairs to attend to the needs of someone who was more important now: Mola, who was dearer to him than he ever realized.

 **And that is that! I would like to dedicate this whole fic to the real life Chistery, my Quantum 600 power wheelchair, who gets me everywhere I need to go (yes, I personify my wheelchairs; I have no pets), and to everyone who is there for people who have no one.**

 **Wow, that got deep! Anyway, thanks for reading!**

 **Cheers,**

 **Elle Dottore**


End file.
